My quirks and some blah!!!

I was sitting on my desk one day and so immersed in my la la la world in between work... I ask myself, is that what I want? Is this how I want to spend my days? Worrying when will the manager strike back with his harsh analysis of how much I contribute to the team’s performance and blah blah blah.

Maybe I will just while away my time for some years and get the fuck out of here. Maybe I will leave this job and move out of the country all by myself. A voice pops in my head and says “Ya why not considering our financial status which is not even of a bank’s clerk!” I roll my eyes at the voice and put it aside. I start weighing my options again. I can just maybe suck it up here, learn and switch to a bigger company with a better job profile. Ya that’s what people do... The voice pops up again in my head and laughs out loud (lol)! Naah! That’s so not me. So what do I want then?!

As they say “To be or not to be”, I mean that is the question, isn’t it!

So I start making out a list of things I love... Ya I am great at making lists, only not executing them.

What do I love: (a) Reading books à but can that be made into a profession, ya if I become a librarian in the world’s biggest library! Wow I just got a tiny orgasm thinking of that! I chuckled to myself. So moving on...

(b) Eating!!! I have seen people making a living on that. What do you food bloggers do! All those TV shows about people roaming around the world and tasting cuisines (never even heard of) and making those “yummy” sounds! I wonder what would be their qualifications to become a connoisseur of food, if I may say so! That might be my calling... Let’s see

P.S. I might just include the “Drinking” bit in this as well. Just so that I don’t delude myself into thinking that being an alcoholic can be a profession! Not that crazy also! Just not yet!

(c) Dancing!!! Once that used to be my heartfelt passion. I am a trained Kathak dancer and I was good at it as well. Then my dad had a turn of heart and made me leave my the then passion, in order to focus me only on my studies, to become a nerd! And here I am... just what he wanted, a nerd! But I never let go off my passion all these years, I dance... in my underwear... in the shower... in a pub... at a friend’s party. Does that count?!

(d) Being sassy!!! I wish that this would be a profession. I mean can’t people just hire me to be their mouthpiece and say stuff to others that they can’t. 

Like just imagine, I am a consultant and a client approaches me to say things to his manager/boss because he/she is too beguile and gullible to figure out whether to be quiet and keep their neck or slay the opposition and get away with it.

Won’t that be just amazing!!! And I think I think, I would be the undisputed queen of this profession, if I may call it.

Wow... my mind is working brilliantly overtime. Sometimes I feel I don’t even need drugs to get high!

So moving on... What else can I find in myself??? I have been reading these articles on “happiness can only be found in your inner being and not outside or in someone else and blah blah blah and that accept who you are and more blah!

Is that why people marry or get into a relationship because they are not able to hold the happiness within themselves and want to create this bubble with others where the walls are made of chocolate and everything is rainbow and blaaaaaaaah.......

Gosh! I swear I almost puked a little in my mouth.

So, maybe what I want is never going to matter, but what will matter are the things I got to do to reach that point when I know that... Yes, this is what I have always wanted.

As they say, “It’s not the destination, but the journey that says it all”.

Yes on the way, I am going to learn and unlearn things, am going to be ecstatic and heartbroken, going to fall in love and fall out of it etc., etc.

I believe it’s all going to be worth it at the end!