The Dark Passenger.....

I was sitting on my desk one day and so immersed in my la la la world in between work... I ask myself, is that what I want? Is this how I want to spend my days? Worrying when will the manager strike back with his harsh analysis of how much I contribute to the team’s performance and blah blah blah. Maybe I will just while away my time for some years and get the fuck out of here. Maybe I will leave this job and move out of the country all by myself. A voice pops in my head and says “Ya why not considering our financial status which is not even of a bank’s clerk!” I roll my eyes at the voice and put it aside. I start weighing my options again. I can just maybe suck it up here, learn and switch to a bigger company with a better job profile. Ya that’s what people do... The voice pops up again in my head and laughs out loud (lol)! Naah! That’s so not me. So what do I want then?! As they say “To be or not to be”, I mean that is the question, isn’t it! So I start making out a list ...

On a rock by the sea, I sat alone Looking around me found I am just on my own. I should have realized it as soon as I chose this path That it's not something people would like to cross.... I waited & waited...so much in vain For someone to come around and be my rain!! I yearned for a caring touch & an untainted heart But all I got were minds full of wrath!! I went on and on till I reached an oasis of emotions But that too turned out to be a mirage of fruitless premonitions... I tried to divulge myself in my cherished memories... Which had long been locked up in heedless glories. I don't know why I still went on For that was me...on a path Unborn!!!!

Sitting on a chair in my room, facing the balcony, my hands busy scribbling, occasionally raising my head from the mountain of papers I have got to read…I soaked in the smell of wet soil. It’s my favourite smell! It had rained last night after a long spell of a hot, humid and a painfully dry summer!!! I looked away from the pile of notes in front of me and let myself be lost in the magnificent view of the mountains. They had turned green from brown just with 1 night of drizzles! I shoved my notes aside and compelled myself to do what I do best (at least I think so) WRITE!!! Rains!!! I have always liked them!!! Those tiny droplets of water, when they fall together…create a kind of music to my ears.  A happy music, touching your very soul. Like the one which always plays in your head…no matter what! As I look onto the street opposite my place…I see the water cleansing the dirt off the muddy road…wishing that somehow the water rush takes away the memories off my stupid head...

With glassy eyes and a long face, I looked at my college for the last time With every step that I took, I realised what I was leaving behind With every bid of farewell, I recognised the sad smiles on their faces With every tight hug, I realised that I needed them more And soon came the time for me to leave, & they obliged with that too They wished all the good things for me, secretly praying for me to stay As the train left the station & their last spec was gone…. It came rushing to me….It was crushing me within…nothing was more painful than this…. “IT” was the pain of leaving my life behind “IT” was the pain of leaving my identity behind “IT” was nothing but the pain of leaving my FRIENDS behind I smiled for all those things that they did for me and even for those they didn’t I thanked them for all those times when they tolerated my madness I cried for all those times when they showed what I mean to them AND I secret...

As I walked bare footed, my legs touching the wet sand of the beach, my hands automatically sprang up imitating the flying posture, embracing the sweetness of the air around me. In that moment, I felt like nothing could go wrong…and I closed my eyes and instantly remembered the first time I had this feeling… I had gone to a fair with my dad for the first time…I was very scared as I had never seen such a crowd before. My dad sensed my fear and held my hands firmly and took me to a stall. It was a small stall filled with revolving paper wheels adhered to a wooden stick, each with a combination of different colours. They were all moving in their own axis due to the breeze….have never seen anything more beautiful than that till now….I still remember the sense of satisfaction on my dad’s face when he saw me…. The touch of a cold wisp of air brought me back to reality…I felt something wet flowing down my cheeks….I managed to sit on a rock nearby and led myself back to where I ha...

There was a time when we just had each other… When you lived far but were just a call apart When missing you was just another thing I loved about you When understanding you was a duty to me When silence between us had more meaning than words When meeting you was the best time of my day But that was a time when we just had each other Then suddenly I wake up one morning and that time is gone…. It’s still you and me but is it really…??? It’s still you and me sitting together….still looking at each other…. Still silence taking the better part of us…. But now the meanings have changed…the rules have changed… And every day is a struggle for us…struggle to keep what we had…. Struggle to keep what we have…  Years and years fall apart…. And We start over again… Maybe in some other life…Maybe in some other world… Maybe we can find each other….again... And maybe We can just have EACH OTHER… this time around!!! 

From the day that we became friends...its always been You & Me.... You...the laugh that I had forgotten... & then there’s Me... You…the story I never want to end… & then there’s Me... You…the wind beneath my wings… & then there’s Me... A living carcass…a burden no one wants to hold…. An overwhelming heart of emotions lying astray…. Then You happened to me…like a fresh dew drop on a morning leaf & then Me…felt the pristine life again But like all other things in my life…every good thing had to come to an end And so did You…left me trapped in your wake… & then there was Me again…a closed book…for ever…